omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
