He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
