Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
