i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
no, he came in my armpit
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
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no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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