So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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