You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
