It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He? As in you personified your dick?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
