Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
