I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
And then he peed in my hair
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