I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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