Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize