6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
