Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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