I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
