i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
