I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
