i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
