nut hugger
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
