it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
