I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
