go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
