dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
