I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
