It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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