I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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