She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize