So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
