i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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