Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
