oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
