This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
