Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
