I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
