Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
