Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
