hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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