Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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