I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
