why didn't you poke me back
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
