yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
