When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
