someone owes me an orgasm
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
