Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize