she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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