I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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