Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
