I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
