I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
