You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
