i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
