Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
