did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
