I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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