So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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