he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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