Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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