At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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