There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
