Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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