Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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