just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
