Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
