Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
