It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
