Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
