Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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