Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
