I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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