I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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