my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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