i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Congratulations! We have a period
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