Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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