I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
