Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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