dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
