Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
