i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
