While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
