I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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