Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
